School took over, then I went back home to Wisco, then I went back to 10x more school, and then I got sick. And now I'm here. still sick. And dealing with more shtupid shchool shtuff. Like, things I shouldn't be dealing with shtuff. Like, I either have to risk getting assaulted 3 times a week or drop a class shtuff. Shcool. Sho over rated.
The rest of this week is going to kinda suck, and next week I have a butt load of exams. But then comes spring break, which will consist of sitting at home in Wisco for a week doing nothing, so I will stay good on my word then.
Also planning on starting to make videos soon. As a present to me, I am buying myself a dvd recorder after I give my big speech on Thursday. Then the fun will really begin.
But in order to do so, I need to go actually write said speech. So... yea... guess I probably should've been doing that for the past couple hours...
Woops.
Shtuff happens.
Like avoiding assault.
Stay away from the Turks.
And short guys.
Short guys walking around bus stops in puffy pants.
In the middle of the day.
That's when you really have to watch out.
It's when you least expect it.
That's how they gonna GETCHA!!!
And if they call you cutie, walk in the opposite direction.
If the best they can think of to describe you as is "cute", then they have less than flattering opinions of you, which means they therefore have less than admirable intentions.
Yes.
They think you would make a fine drug dealer on the schoolground.
Like I said, avoid short Turks with poor fashion sense.
And I didn't realize a lot of these things until recently.
But now I realize them.
And so now I will do them.
One of those things was to start blogging on a regular basis. I started this blog in November and have since published only 2 entries.
Pretty Pathetic.
But I intend to change that. I have a lot of goals to accomplish in the next 3 months at school so I best get started. And the first goal is to blog. It comes first because I will use this blog as a way to track my progress with my other goals, so I have no excuses for myself, plus I can go back and physically track how I am doing. Even though no one is reading these or my future posts, I can at least relish in the thought of knowing I did it for myself.
Here is a Basic List of My Current Personal Goals:
-Get Better at Drawing
-Start Singing Regularly and Get Better
-Get in Shape
-Gain Control or Stop my Hand Quivers
-Learn to Dance
-Start a Successful Vlog
-Open a Shop on Etsy
Right now I am focusing on getting in shape and getting better at drawing. So starting this week I will draw something every day and track my progress here.
As far as getting in shape goes, I did a 12 minute sprint around my room yesterday and my calves are killing me, so today I will stick to crunches and weight lifting.
You'll be fascinated to know that by weight lifting, I mean using me chemistry books as weights.
So that is what I will go do now.
Either tomorrow or Monday I will begin my drawing posts.
I have very recently suffered yet another crippling blow from the mighty hammer of male stupidity. It sucked. I really don't recommend dating. Well, dating with any sort of expectations higher than that of a tasmanian devil.
In any case, I'm working to make myself feel better. So today I am making a list of really beautiful men that we all can admire together. They are in no particular order, except for the last one.
First up is every late 80's/early 90's girls' old-man crush.
David Bowie of Jim Henson's 1986 Labyrinth.
Was he a pedophile with a dominance-complex? Without a doubt.
Did he have the most fabulous feathered mullet to ever suffocate a human's face? Absolutely.
So what about him made young girls swoon and dream of him long into their 30's?
Let me show you.
That, ladies and gents, is why.
The infamous tights. Never has the male anatomy been so positively intriguing. I'm sure there is many-a nerd that got more action than they would've had Bowie not ignited so much curiosity in the pure minds of private-schooled prudes. You are welcome, 90's nerds.
Next is this kid.
I can't for the life of me remember his name or find him on the interwebs, and the facebook friend I learned of him from has since vanished from existence. So... that's his face. He is a European soccer player. And he's adorable.
....
NUMBER 2 EVERYBODY!!!
And now let us have another throw back
That moustache. What more must I say?
Captain James Hook of Steven Spielberg's 1991 family classic, Hook. If you haven't seen Hook, you never had a childhood. Go watch Hook so you can say you have a soul. Once you type the word hook and say hook and look at the word hook enough times, it really looks like the wrong word.
Mmmmm..... Hooooooooooook....
Looky-looky I got Hooky!!!
This fine piece of man is none other than Killian Jones of ABC's Once Upon a Time. Playing Captain James Hook. Look at that burly pirate chest. Need I say more?
Aaaaaaaaaaaand since it appears that I'm already on a Neverland role.....
Humna-humna-humna....
The one and only, Peter Pan. Feast your eyes ladies.
Most of you may not recognize this work of genetic art.
Please, allow me to refresh your memories.
Jeremy Sumpter of P.J.Hogan's Peter Pan (2003)
Another movie you must see. The score is to die for.
And yes, I fully admit to having had a crush on that little lost boy
But now...
I fully admit to thanking God every day that he did grow up. Into a fine, fiiiiiiiiine mancake.
As I have been procrastinating on finishing this blog for several days now, and I seem to be having a hard time of thinking up more of my favorite heart throbs, I suppose I will wrap it up here, but after one last entry... My ultimate celeb crush. And probably favorite singer of all time.
Bam.
Freddie Mercury of Queen.
I don't know what it is. I really don't. He was crazy and wore leotards. His teeth are hideous. I'm very picky about good teeth. But I LOVE his teeth. I hate hairy chests. But I would cry if he had shaved his. I really don't like feet, and he has really wierd feet. I like his feet.
I really don't know. But... look at that jaw. ajlwefhyfwhqjchjrqfr;hfoq. I must adore it. And his voice... what I'd give to have him serenade me. And those eyes... I just died.
Did you know he loved cats??! Well now you do.
Yes, I know... He was gay.
And now he's dead.
But I still love him.
This is what started it all. I still don't know why, but after I saw this music video, I fell in love. Watch and see if he turns you too.
I'd become a man for you Freddie, anytime.
Congrats Freddie
You win man of the year
This was fun. I may do this again. Once i can find more men to adore.
I feel better about stupid attractive boys already.
To be honest I don't really know where to start, but I feel an explanation is in order. So I suppose I can start there.
As you (hopefully) saw the name of this blog is "Thoughts of an Albatross". And this may lead people to think I am degrading or bringing myself down in some way seeing as an albatross is old-fashioned slang for a burden or dead-weight, which stemmed from Samuel Taylor Coleridge's TheRime of the Ancient Mariner. And I'll be honest, I could be considered a burden to some and I have been, amongst other less-attractive nouns and adjectives. So in some respect I am exactly what you more than likely presumed.
But it actually means a bit, well ok, a LOT more than that to me.
The albatross is my favorite animal. And I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked why, of all the creatures on Earth, the awkward-looking lesser-known seabird is my favorite animal. I actually didn't know why myself for a long time, but I think I have finally began to figure out what it is that makes them so appealing to me.
Ok so that freaking adorable face is definitely a factor.
I didn't even know what an albatross was until about 4 or 5 years ago. I was standing up on the balcony that overlooks our living room talking to my Mother, while I sort of subconsciously starting slowly waving my arms as if I was flying. My Mom took notice and exclaimed "Oh look, she's an albatross! Look at her loooong wingspan!" And that's when we first met.
I have since found many reasons to love and relate to my fellow seabird.
On a shallow level, they are sea birds. I have always loved the sea. A meaning of my name is actually goddess or protector from the sea. I'm actually slightly terrified of the sea and I tend to be nervous around deep water, but that's more due to sharks and a fear of drowning than anything else. So naturally, I have a passion for nearly any animal water-related (octopus is in my top 5 favorite animals, dolphin makes top 10).
And now comes the fun, deep, meaningful, potentially rant-filled explanation.
The albatross is not really what the majority would consider a beautiful or attractive bird. It is basically a giant seagull, and most people I know HATE seagulls. On top of that they have fairly bland and monotone coloration, a long oddly shaped beak, and a caveman brow. Most people think they are just plain ugly.
I don't know what it is that makes them so endearing, but I think they are just one of the cutest birds in existence. I think the caveman brow makes them appear to have more expression in their eyes so they are easier to anthropomorphise.
Also, they remind me very much of the ugly duckling, which was me growing up. I was a very awkward looking child from about 2nd grade to my freshman year. My siblings now affectionately know me as "the boy who lived". But that's a whole different topic to cover some other time.
Reason 2: Their wingspan.
The albatross has the longest wingspan of any living bird species, ranging 8'-11.5'. That's fuggin' huge. And something to be proud of.
And here is how I relate it to myself. I am not particularly good at most things. I can't cook, I fail at every sport (except badminton. I'll kick your ass any day), I can't dance to save my life, I'm not the best singer/writer/drawer/animal expert, although those are all things I do fairly well. I'm not the most beautiful or most brilliant. I don't really embody any physical talent or quality that our society holds on a pedestal. But you know what? I don't give a damn. Because I am still the best at something. There is something that I contribute to an extent that noone else can, whether I know exactly what that is yet or not (also a whole different can of worms that I may touch on at some point in the future). The albatross is not the most beautiful or colorful, it does not sing the best, and their dancing skills look very similar to my own (as you will see shortly). They are not the longest lived or most sought after, they are not the best fishers or divers or parents. But you know what they are the best at?! Having a fuggin' long wingspan!!! They have something that no other bird can brag about. You go albatross!
And now, I present you with my final reason: Love.
Yes love, the beginning and end to everything, the meaning and purpose of life, the thing we all spend our lives hoping to gain and unwilling to ever let go of. Love.
I have many thoughts on love, and I believe an unfair amount of experience with it considering my age. And there are a few things that the albatross brings to the love-thought table that I very much agree with and support, perhaps more for my own sanity and hope than anything else, but all the same. It makes me happy with life.
The albatross partakes in a ridiculous courting dance that is so awkward and adorable that I demand every one of my boyfriends to perform one for me upon becoming serious. If you want rights to make out with this face, then you best believe that I expect you to court me, the right way. And this is what evolution says is the right way. So start practicing.
See? They are so terribly awkward and uncoordinated and without grace and they STILL get loved. And their awkwardness is part of their charm. They make you giggle. And it makes you love them. Boys, take note. You may not be attractive or have dance skills or have any singing capabilities, but if you prove you are still willing to try and woo a girl even with these terrible qualities, I will give you a fighting chance. But it's best to go with whatever wonderful wooing qualities you have first. You know, like, flaunting how your wingspan is the longest of all the longest-winged albatross'.
Once you show that you are willing to look completely ridiculous on command if that's what it takes to win my heart, then I will give you the glory of makey-outey privileges. And I expect you to make this face.
And then calm yourself enough to make a proper seduction face.
Mmmm. Sexy albatross face.
Not only do they go to great lengths of embarrassment for those they love, but there is one other major factor that has officially saved their spot as my favorite animal ever.
They mate for life!!! Get that! They believe in TRUE LOVE!!! HA!!!!! Take that non-believers!!! Mother nature herself says it is natural and possible!!!
Ok, so I haven't actually met people who don't believe in love. And I generally don't talk to people about their stance on true love. And I'm not saying I'm gung-ho about soul mates or love at first sight. I'm not actually sure if I believe in a lot of that. But there are other issues I have faced in my day, particularly recently, that make this a strong reason for me to adore the albatross. Again, another can of worms that I need-not go into now. But I have met plenty of people who are against the traditional family dynamic (Disclaimer. I'm not attacking the gay-family dynamic. Don't turn it into that), who believe it isn't right to stay with one person your entire life, that polygamy is natural amongst the animal kingdom and therefore is a legitimate excuse for humans, and that you are not capable of love until you are of a certain age with certain dating experience. All of these make me angry. And the albatross is against all of these. So the albatross and I are friends.
The entire situation in our society with love makes me fairly upset. We live in a culture where divorce is 2nd nature. When a relationship is struggling, the go-to answer is to end it instead of doing everything in your power to fix it. This is not what I grew up on. People say I am idealistic in my views of marriage and relationships, but I grew up on the ideal. It exists. And it works.
Rant over. Ok. The fact of the matter is I am a relationship-orientated person in every way. I understand relationships, I love them, and I know how to make them work. The albatross is a natural embodiment of hard-working relationships and how beautiful they can be. They are what I hope for for myself and those around me. They are not perfect or extra-special, but they are happy and they are what they are meant to be.
Look how happy and cute they are! Awwww. True, awkward love at its best.
So that is my explanation for my love of the albatross, why I chose to use it to describe myself, and now you know where my blog title comes from.
Do you have any wierd story or deep meaning behind your favorite animal?
My first ever blog post is complete. I feel incredibly successful. Yay for life! Huzzah for the albatross!
~Mer
P.S. I realize these qualities and behaviors do not apply to all albatross species. It's a blog. You'll be ok.
